cyclocross.com – CanooterValve

Cyclocross(.com) Season

Sep 032012

So it’s on. Cyclocross season is here. For a guy responsible for a new ecomm site with the domain name “Cyclocross.com,” that means life’s about to get a little busy.

But good-busy. My six-year-old cowbell-ringing assistants and I headed out to what’s become the season opener for ‘cross in the Portland area, the Gran Prix Tina Brubaker. Photos were taken. Cowbells were rung. Course markings were repaired.

Baden, no big surprise, really hates broken course tape and overturned cones. I’m pretty sure he would’ve redriven the barrier stakes completely rebuilt the upper barrier section of the course himself if there hadn’t been that whole “race” thing going on right over his head.

Round one at the David Douglas Park in Vancouver, WA one was about ten miles from my house. This is entirely new to me, this “we can actually go there in under a seven hours” thing, and I’m rapidly getting used to it. Next weekend’s race is almost 19 miles away, though, and that feels like an eternity now.

At any rate, my time is all cyclocross, all the time right now, and that has me wondering how I’d build the ultimate ‘cross bike. Clearly, the collective intelligence of those who read Canootervalve is somewhere between IBM’s Big Blue and “all NASA put together,” so I’m throwing it out there:

What features would make for the ultimate ‘cross bike?

Disc only, I’m thinking, at this point; tapered head tube and PressFit 30 bottom bracket with an eccentric option for the single-speed contingent. Stupid big tire clearance, thanks to the discs and 135mm rear spacing. Full cable housing. Maybe build in a mount for a K-Edge Chain Catcher. Other than some key geometry decisions (I’m thinking 69mm BB drop), what am I leaving out?

And what about frame material? The number of aluminum frames out there doing well in ‘cross races tends to still be really high, and steel will probably always be great for ‘cross.

And what would I call the project if I got serious and opened a folder on it?

New Google Bike Slightly Less Horrible Than Previous One

Bikes, E-commerce Comments Off

Aug 312012

Google recently unveiled their newest bicycle, the winning design among several submitted to resupply the Mountain View, California behemoth’s stable of “getting around campus”-mobiles. I’m happy to report it’s awful.

That’s a good thing, though, given the various hip, high-fashion bikes they might have chosen, this crude, little chunk of bicycle shows some class by just being a bicycle. A really horrible, poorly-made, appallingly ugly bicycle.

I’m always a little amazed when engineers in one field seem to have a complete and utter lack of appreciation for engineering in another. Surely there are at least a few Googlers who find it difficult to use these, though, compared to the bike it replaces, these seem positively amazing.

I’ve been gently kicking Google in the their double-“o”s for a while now, driven largely by the fact that I think they could be doing really amazing things, and instead they can’t seem to even keep their own Google+ app working on their own Android operating system.

Credit where credit’s due, though. Sometime Wednesday night, Google Maps was updated to include turn by turn directions for bicycle routes.

That’s pretty wonderful.

It still doesn’t excuse those Google bicycles, but it’s pretty great, and should help guys like me, who read cue sheets about as well as we read tea leaves, and three times slower. You can check out the update here.

That’s all I got for today. Back to another really long day of work. Big news this weekend.

Lost Weekends and Guess the Product

Bikes, E-commerce 4 Responses »

Jun 112012

This is what Syncline trail would’ve looked like on Sunday. I’m pretty sure. Sadly, I spent most of the weekend working on a 2013 product catalog, writing copy for Cyclocross.com, and doing laundry. Had to get a head start on some office work I’ll need to leave hanging while I drive across the country again next week. So this is what Sunday looked like for me:

I’m a rockstar.

Yes, I have two monitors, which is actually pretty modest here. My goal is to eventually have six or seven. I’d like to be the Terry Bozzio of office hardware.

Needs More Cowbell, But Yes, He Plays Them All

On the monitor to my right you can see a little of Cyclocross.com, by the way. Can’t wait for the launch. Still a lot of work to do first, though, and before I can get back to it, there’s that whole driving across the country again thing. I love my country, but I hate driving across it. I always liked taking everyone’s word for it that Nebraska existed.

Starting tomorrow, I expect I’ll be back to posting shorter, “on the road” pieces, if I can post at all. Last time I did my best to lower everyone’s expectations and prepare you for even less meaningful content than usual, then proceeded to immediately punch a hole through the window of my Subaru with a Jones bike. I’ll have all my family’s possessions with me this time around, so imagine the damage I’ll be able to do.

Before I go near radio silence on you, I wanted to offer a report on the voting for best wheel size. “Banana” is definitely taking the win on this one (are you catching that, Google), but otherwise it’s a tight contest between 650b and 29er. I think we had two votes for 26″ wheels. Sadly now, they will be kicked off the island.

I’m also writing a lot of product descriptions for right now. As you might imagine, sometimes the product copy I write tends to be a little different, so I thought I might post some snippets of new content from Cyclocross.com up here, and see if anyone can guess what product–or even kind of product–I’m describing. So while I get ready to head to the airport, I’ll leave you with today’s product. See if you can guess the product I’m describing (or even figure out what the hell I’m talking about).

Cyclocross framesets divide themselves nicely into two categories. First there are the frames that really—truly—are only for cyclocross racing. These have a framebuilder’s name on the downtube, no water bottle bosses, and a fourteen month waiting period. And then there are the ‘cross racing frames one would grab in the event of zombie apocalypse, the kind with all the tire clearance and quality construction of a dedicated racing frameset, but with concessions for things like water bottles and fenders (because you do not want to be riding through zombie apocalypse streets without fenders). ______________ is a zombie apocalypse bike that can also race—and win—’cross races.”

I’m pretty sure both guys who read this blog work at bike companies or distributors anyway, but feel free to post any guesses on the Cyclocross.com Facebook page, and I’ll figure out some sort of grand prize for an eventual winner. Probably won’t be a Cyclocross.com jersey, but something rad.

The jerseys are in the works now, by the way, and are gonna look like something Steve McQueen would’ve worn to a Shia LaBeouf beating.

And why is it so tough to convince any custom jersey manufacturers to create a proper, moisture-wicking luchador mask?