I have software on my mind today, and not just because Cyclocross.com has launched. As in you can probably go there and buy something. You should really go there and buy something.
Fortunately, that project has entirely custom software behind it, but most projects involve working with business management software. I’m doing a bunch of research on two such systems now, and I’ve had a minor revelation.
The main reason why all Financial Analysis, Accounting, ERP and CRM business software sucks ass? Go to their developer resources (usually after going through a bunch of useless bullshit to access them) and type “data export.”
The first ten results are all “data import.” Hey big money software company douchenozzles, if you love something, set it free. Us poor IT bastards are hostage to your wretched shit anyway. It’s not like we can pull all the data and set up with another smarmy ERP solution overnight without our companies still having to pay your ridiculous contract fees for the duration of time. The least you could do is make it less than impossible for us to actually use your heinous shite to power additional company needs (you know, fancy, exotic shit like a web site).
Seriously, searching for “data export” should never, ever, summon up results with only the word “import” in them. Some developer somewhere wrote that search query with management’s gun to his head and then had to get really drunk and probably punch a wall, because people whose brains are trained to think logically tend to have strong, adverse reactions to delivering the complete motherfucking opposite of what a user is clearly asking for.
Disgust with enterprise software is nothing new, and has been written about for years by much smarter and more qualified people than your lowly author, but I’d like to think my example cuts to the heart of why enterprise software sucks so particularly bad: its hamstrung by continually integrated sales of itself into every aspect of its design. Want to create a purchase order? There are tools that explain how easy it is to learn about creating a purchase order using Douchbaggery’s AZ-X-plozion Purchase Order Creation Wizard and examples of how Squirrel Window Cleaning uses that DAZXPOC Wizard to streamline their sourcing of tiny squeegees, but good luck sitting down and just making a PO.
I’ve wrestled with four or five pieces of advanced business management software in my life, and every time I go in I’m always just happy to get back out alive.
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